We Wound You Up, You're A Loyal Fan

A conservative idea du jour -- that our declining wages don't matter because we have iPods and Starbucks -- is, unbelievably, made even stupider by the folks at Asymmetrical Information. ... Do these people really think that, if we want our wages to go up -- as Americans used to be able to expect -- it also means that we want to go backward in time and disdain modern conveniences? Apparently ... Grumpy liberals want you to live like 70s cavemen! --Roy Edroso, "Economics Made Easy"

[To the tune of Joni Mitchell's "You Turn Me On, I'm A Radio".]

When you're marching round the globe
With a bomber above you
Don't let technophobes
Hassle or shove you

Oh soldier you can tune in
To the internet
We'll censor the wingnuts
So you will not need to fret
We can show you ribbons
On cars for you
And flags on lapels
In praise of you

We'll show you the speeches
Of Leader dear
And applause from desk jockies
Way back here
You know the tree huggers hate you
They'd take all your toys
From their caves they berate you
For your technical joys

They've been giving you trouble
For your clothes
But we rose
Up out of the rubble
Because our Leader knows

But if they tempt you to ponder
Just how the new invasion helps us
Then don't listen, good fighter
No need for thinking
Turn off your brain
Remember your gadgets
And go on line again

Shun their books and mags
And their newspaper lies
And the barefeet they trample on flags
While trying to ban guns and hunters
'Cause they still kill noble stags

When you're surfacing to fire
All the MIRVs you brought with you
Remember the choir
Of pundits love you

If you're pinned down in the sand
With your laptop beside you
You'll be safe surfing you-tube
Who'd dare deride you?
Fighting I.E.D.s there lets
Us fight liberals here
As your base exchange gets
New stuff you can hear