Room 101

WASHINGTON (AP) President Bush is expected to sign a voluminous defense bill that requires the humane treatment of foreign terrorism suspects and rebukes some of his wartime policies. On a voice vote, the Senate late Wednesday approved the bill setting Pentagon policy, sending it to the president's desk for his signature. The House passed the legislation Monday.

The Bush administration initially threatened to veto any bill limiting how the United States detains, interrogates or prosecutes terror suspects. But last week, Bush reluctantly endorsed the ban on cruel, inhuman and degrading treatment of foreign detainees amid pressure from the Republican-controlled Congress and U.S. allies.

George found himself helplessly strapped to a chair fixed to the floor, in a basement room he had never seen before. Into his view strode the aged, sad, bespectacled representative of The Authority. "Now, George," he said slowly, "we've all had enough of your stubborn refusal to face reality here. Your threat to veto anti-torture legislation has become a major political problem for us. Popular support for it is so strong that it may make the public wake up and demand accountability. We can't have that. We've explained this over and over, and you just won't listen. So now we've had to bring you here."

George cast his eyes around the room, but it had no other occupant. The man in glasses smiled. "You're wondering what's here to change your mind, George. I'll tell you. What's here is the worst thing in the world. It varies from individual to individual, but it is always whatever you fear most. Through that locked door is what you, personally, are most terrified of, George. Since you won't obey, I'm going to have to unlock it, and leave you here, unable to flee what will come through to you here."

George began to shake. He felt he was about to lose control of his bladder. "No! You couldn't be that cruel!" he cried, then whimpered "Please! No!"

"It's out of my hands, George," said the older one. He walked slowly over to the door and inserted a key. There was a rattle, as if something on the other side was testing the door to see if it would open yet.

Finally, George realized that there was only one way to prevent his punishment. So he began shouting frantically, unable to stop.

"Ban it! Ban it! Ban torture! I'll sign the bill! I don't care! I'll ban it! Just don't open the door!"

Wonkette
DEC 16 Why The Spy Stuff?
Reliable observers confirmed that they saw 80-year old Prez mum Barbara Bush leaving the W. House this afternoon, attempting futilely to hide her striking white mane beneath a scarf and wearing mirrored shades. There was no public announcement -- or acknowledgement when asked -- of the twice-past First Lady's secretive drop-by. Could it be clandestine discussions of Xmas gifts for the family? Gossipy minds want to know!