Wednesday, June 07, 2006

A Painted Face Puts Up A Painted Motion

As global warming slowly sinks Florida into the sea, the notorious Katherine Harris continues her bizarre quest to be one of its last U.S. Senators before Neptune claims it. The Grating Grey Lady just did a profile of her abandonment by other Republicans, complete with two pictures of her with an aged vet and a tiny poodle both expressing enormous disinterest in osculation with her visage. And her unscripted words are wonders to read.
In interviews, Ms. Harris projects a somewhat frenetic personality, speaking in rapid-fire cadences, fussing incessantly with her hair and barraging aides with questions and road directions ("We have a detour to Starbucks on the way. ... Quickest way to Venice is down Fruitville")
Uh, yes, well, I lived in the Sunnyside State for two years, and frankly this geographical reference is, well, clueless? Insensitive? Politically inspired? Wait, there's more....
Ms. Harris is adamant in her claim that news organizations have doctored photographs to exaggerate the amount of makeup she wears. "I haven't worn blue makeup since seventh grade," she said, referring to photographs she said she had seen of herself on the Internet.
Yes, we all remember lots of blue eye shadow in junior high. It went so well with the blue Mohawk.
She is especially animated when the topic turns to animals, including the guide dog she plans to train starting in November. She will care for the dog for 18 months, spending nearly all her waking hours with it. "You can't let them sleep in bed with you," Ms. Harris said. "Which is going to be harder on me than the dog."
Of course, the canine to be announced is grateful that he won't have to file a complaint with PETA.
And then commenced another unforgettable moment, Katherine Harris, arms over her head, dancing to "Y.M.C.A."
Finally, when it's all over, you can only quote a great line from Pogo: "Just what kind of vote is you trying to attract?"


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